BREAKING NEWS: NILE KINNICK STATUE TEARS ACL

Iowa Hawkeye fans gathered at the Krause Family Plaza outside Kinnick Stadium to give well wishes to the Nile Kinnick Statue.  The statue has reportedly torn its ACL while stoically braving a beautiful late summer day.  The winds remained calm and the temperature was in the upper 70’s leaving the fans in attendance wondering what else could possibly go wrong.  Stadium workers who were at the stadium earlier today busily preparing the stadium for the upcoming season said they did not see the injury occur but heard a faint voice coming from near the statue saying, “I thank God that I was born in the midwest, got to battle on the gridirons of the midwest, and I can say confidently and positively and pray to God, ‘Please let this be the final ACL tuerre!‘”

To add insult to injury, police arrived shortly after the crowd gathered and issued the statue a citation for disorderly house.  The University of Iowa athletic department is withholding comments or punishments to the statue until they have had a chance to investigate.

It is not yet known whether players will be able to or should give the customary helmet slap to the statue upon entering the stadium on game days.

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